Hush
by n00b-masta2112
Summary: "I know what she’s going through. The nightmares. I’ve suffered through enough lonely nights to know she needs someone here to help her face them." Haymitch/Katniss


A/N: Post-CF. Haymitch and Katniss in the hours before dawn. Haymitch's POV.

Lyrics: Hush by Automatic Loveletter. I just used a few verses, not the whole song.

I own nothing.

**Hush**

______

_This is as quiet as it gets. Hush down now; go to sleep. We were once perfect, me and you. We'll never leave this room._

She whimpers in my arms. I can't help feeling out of place. This is not my job. This is where Peeta should be. "Katniss," I whisper. "It's okay." My words sound hollow. I can't comfort her. I don't know how.

I watch her disturbed face for a minute; she's squirming in her sleep. I hold on and rock her gently. I know what she's going through. The nightmares. I've suffered through enough lonely nights to know she needs someone here to help her face them.

This is why I refuse to let Gale in here. He wouldn't understand this like I do, or the way Peeta did. Katniss will never be able to love him the way he loves her because now she has something that ties her to Peeta that he will never understand. The same thing keeping her with me. The Hunger Games.

We used to be normal Seam kids, struggling to get by. We used to have a purpose, clawing to survive, helping our families to. The Capitol has stolen everything from us. I see the way Katniss drifts through life now, feeling no reason to exist. She doesn't need to hunt to feed her family. She doesn't have the Hob to go to. She has lost any way she's ever had to feel connected to her father. Her entire way of life, everything she once knew, has been completely turned around and now she doesn't know what to do with herself.

I know what it's like. That's why I drink. To escape that empty feeling that has plagued me since my Games. Alcohol fills me up the way love used to. Once we've seen the arena, once we've killed innocent children, we lose the capacity to love like regular people. We become less human.

I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. Candlelight flickers behind my eyes.

When I open them again they're trained on the closed door. On the other side is the rest of the world, the Capitol, the rebels, the Uprising. We don't want to face any of it. Not right now. Katniss mutters something incoherent and shifts on my lap. "Shh," I quiet her gently, brushing a stray wisp of dark hair from her face. "Just sleep. I'm not going anywhere."

____

This is the calming before the storm. This absolution is always incomplete. It's always bittersweet.

I know when dawn breaks, when the pale sun peeks over the horizon, I'll have to leave the sleeping girl in my arms and face another day. We both will. We'll have to continue plotting to overthrow the Capitol. We'll have to put on brave faces and discuss hopeless things far out of our power.

News will come in from the other Districts. We'll hear about their attempted rebellions. We'll hear about terrible things the Capitol will do to quell them. We'll make plans to fight back, be able to do nothing, and then we'll retire to another night of terrible, restless sleep.

Katniss will scream herself awake and I'll join her here again to calm her and help her get some much-needed rest. This is where Peeta should be, but I failed to save him from the Capitol during the Quarter Quell. I can't believe Katniss doesn't hate me. I can't believe she lets me take Peeta's place and hold her every night, whispering meaningless reassurances to her.

I guess she feels safe with me too.

As much as I've always hated the darkness, the pitch-blackness of night, I savor these hours in Katniss's chamber more than I'd like to admit. I wish I'd had someone to keep my own nightmares at bay, but doing so for someone I love is almost as good. If I can erase her pain, maybe I'm more human than I'd thought. Maybe there is hope left for me.

The sky outside her window is fading to pink; weak light filters in dimly through the flimsy curtains. Morning is on its way, but I don't want it to come. I hold Katniss securely against me and kiss the top of her head through the thick mass of hair. I wish I could press my lips all the way through her being and kiss her soul. There's so much I wish I could do, but I'm as helpless as anyone else.

_____I won't make a sound so you don't wake. Don't wake, don't wake, you don't wake._

Katniss stirs again; I release her and she rolls over onto the mattress, curling up against her unused pillow. I untangle myself and stand up as quietly as I can, taking care not to wake her. For the first time in a long time she looks undisturbed, tranquil. Beautiful.

A slight smile spreads across my weary face and I reach a hand out to touch her face one more time before turning towards the door. I tiptoe silently across the hard wood floor, making as little noise as possible. Katniss deserves these few moments of peace.

I open the door slowly, and glance back at Katniss's still form before I leave. She's facing me, eyes open, biting her lip. I must have woken her up.

She opens her mouth to say something, but I press my finger to my lips and shut the door without a sound.

_Hush...this is where it ends. This is where it ends._


End file.
